| (And now she whispers into the mirror) I'm broken. |
[entries|friends|calendar] |
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| it has been quite some time |
[25 Aug 2004|02:59pm] |
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mood |
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 bored |
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So a lot has happened since i have written in this thing.
For starters, I am starting Cosmetology school on the 7th. I am quite excited about that. I will be finished in about 8 months, so that is even more exciting.
I got a job at Dell and it was amazing at first, because I was making loads of money, enough to be out on my own, although it wouldn't allow me to go to school because on the hours. But, I was working with a bunch of older people doing a 40 year old mans job and I was very proud of myslef. Well then it turned out to be HELL and I had to quit. So now I have a job at Target, in Hendersonville, it is alright. Everyone is really nice, and Mandy works ther, i like her. Although I am going to have to cut back some of my hours since I am starting school and all, now I work Saturday from 8am to 5pm and sunday from 12pm to 5pm and on mondays from 6pm to 10pm, so it's not bad. It is nice to have money again.
My sister had her baby, nad she is the most precious thing I have ever seen. I love her. Her name is Layla she was born on April the 25th at 6 o'clock. I hope I have a little girl just like her....in a few years of course.
I have also recently become a recluse it seems. Its not a very good thing. I used to have a lot of friends, but they have seemed to fade away during the last year. Which is partly my fault, because I tend to think everyone hates me. However, it was bound to happen sooner or later, since everyone is leaving for college and what not.
Although, I am suprisingly very happy with myself right now. I still have Kyle, he has been there for me through everything. I am about to start school and make something of myself, and in the next year I will be able to live on my own as long as everything goes as planned.
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| why did i do this.... |
[26 Feb 2004|04:25pm] |
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mood |
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 sleepy |
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*. KISSED YOUR COUSIN? on the cheek
*. RAN AWAY? hahaha
*. BROKEN SOMEONE'S HEART? phew...yuck
*. HAD YOUR HEART BROKEN? that is the story of my life
*. CRIED WHEN SOMEONE DIED? grandma
*. BROKEN A BONE? my arm and my thumb only a week after i broke my arm i was trying to save my dog
*. DRANK ALCOHOL? nope
*. CRIED IN SCHOOL? phew, certainly...
::This or That::
*. COKE OR PEPSI? COKE.
*. SPRITE OR 7UP? sprite
*. FLOWERS OR CANDY? flowers
*. QUIET OR LOUD? please let it be quiet
*. BLONDES OR BRUNETTES? ?
*. BITCHY OR SLUTTY? neither i'd die before i liked someone like that
*. TALL OR SHORT? taller than me
*. JEANS OR SHORTS? shorts
*..::The Last Time You::..*
*. SHOWERED? last nite
*. HAD A GREAT TIME WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX? everyday
*. YOUR GOOD LUCK CHARM? umm...myself i guess, if something good happpens i am there but then again when things bad happen i am there to so i guess i just don't have one.
*. PERSON YOU HATE MOST?eh not anyone particular, mostly girls i don't really hate them i just don't like them
*. LUCKY NUMBERS? 7
::?::What is your favorite..?::
*. COLOR? (s) black, navy, red,green
*. MOVIE? willard
*. BOOK? neverwhere
*. SUBJECT IN SCHOOL? careers with children, cosmetology
*. CARS? mine will do
*. ICE CREAM? vanilla with gumme bears on top
*. HOLIDAY? thanksgiving and christmas
*. SEASON? fall
*. BREAKFAST FOOD? CEREAL!
'::...Who...::'
*. MAKES YOU LAUGH THE MOST? kyle and jonny and dustin
*. MAKES YOU SMILE? kyle
*. WHO HAS A CRUSH ON YOU? Hopefully kyle
*?::Do You Ever::?*
*. SIT BY THE PHONE WAITING FOR A PHONE CALL ALL NIGHT? no i plug in my phone and fall asleep and wake up when it rings
*. SAVE AOL CONVERSATIONS? sometimes if they are important
*. SAVE E-MAILS? yeah some
*. WISH YOU WERE SOMEONE ELSE? no way
*. CRIED BECAUSE OF SOMEONE'S MEAN WORDS? goodness yes
\*\::...Have You...::\*\
*. FALLEN FOR YOUR BEST FRIEND? no
*. MADE OUT WITH JUST A FRIEND? yes
*. BEEN IN LOVE? yea
*. BEEN IN LUST? no
*. USED SOMEONE? no
*. BEEN USED? yes
*. BEEN KISSED? yes
*. DONE SOMETHING YOU REGRET? yes
...::Who was the last person::...
*. YOU TOUCHED? kyle
*. YOU TALKED TO? kyle
*. YOU HUGGED? kyle
*. YOU IM'ed? cris comstock
*. WHO BROKE YOUR HEART? i think everyone knows that one
*..::Do you::..*
*. COLOR YOUR HAIR? i don't
*. HAVE TATTOOS? maybe later
*. HAVE A BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND? yes, and he is probably the best thing in my life
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| yawn.... |
[10 Feb 2004|09:26pm] |
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mood |
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 stressed |
] |
she doesn't want to be
dead in the water, yet she swims out to sea
brave hearted girl
goes out to take on the world
but comes home crying every time
she doesn't sleep at night
she's afraid to close her eyes
I see her walking in the street sometimes
she knows about suffering
and all about sorrow
she's starving for the beautiful things
that people seem to believe in
she doesn't want to be
dead in the water, yet she swims out to sea
how long?
waited way too long
(don't let them fool you)
brave hearted girl
goes out to take on the world
but comes home crying every time
we're walking in the rain
she turns to me to say
I hope tomorrow doesn't feel this way
she's heard about happiness
she's heard about Jesus
she's starving for the beautiful things
that people seem to believe in
she doesn't want to be
dead in the water, yet she swims out to sea |
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| thinking back |
[04 Feb 2004|01:53pm] |
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mood |
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 drained |
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gees i miss everything so much right now.
i was laying around the other day thinking about how much fun i used to have and all the friends that i never see anymore and how they went to college and how everything has totally changed here in the last 7 months. i hate it.I MISS MY BROS....i loved spending time with all of you. even if we didn't even plan to hangout we always bumped into eachother somewhere and we would always have a funfilled night ahead of us and i miss going to shows with you guys.i miss it so much. i miss the funny conversations that we would have at waffle house and getting kicked out for taking up their booths or them trying to freeze us out. i miss ging to la loma. and i miss four square and i miss standing in the parking lot racing remote control cars and trying to walk on graydens stilts and talking and drinking hot chocolate and watching lizze mcguire and having movie nights or going bowling.i love how we always had eachothers back, and i love how you guys always looked out for me and were right there at my door for me when i was sad about things. we were like a ruthless clan that hated everyone else who wasn't in it, it was fun. so much has changed.
IT IS REUNION TIME
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| well let's see |
[02 Feb 2004|05:07pm] |
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mood |
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drained |
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music |
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stopthirty |
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these past few days have consisted mostly of me waking up, eating, sitting, sleeping again, waking up b\c i have this layer of sweat all over me, so i change clothes, sleep, phone calls, eat, sleep, sit, eat, sleep.
I AM SO BORED AND READY FOR THIS TO BE OVER!
but i feel pretty good today i get to go to school for half a day all week, so i'll be doing something.
Kyle has come over and that has been the highlight of my days, Jonny came over the other day and we played battleship it was a lot of fun. i like that Jonny he is a good friend.
well other than that nothing has been going on for me.
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| gees |
[28 Jan 2004|05:41pm] |
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mood |
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 cranky |
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i have mono.
i am so bored.......aghh.......aparently i can't do anything active or else my spleen will rupture, and i am just too bored i need something to do quick!..
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| wow my day has been so boring. |
[18 Jan 2004|10:04pm] |
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mood |
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 lonely |
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hmmm...
so i went to cafe express lastnight with kyle, it was fun minus the boy who gave me a bruise on my head while trying to dance.
i think i may be getting a stomach virus of some sort?? jonny has food poisoning. yuck.
i hate confusing girls!!
it's funny how you can have a best friend for so long and then they just disappear out of your life in a period of 2weeks for someone else. it sounds like we are in middle school or something. it is pathetic but there is really nothing that i can do about it...it's not my dicision. =(
i hate being in situations where you don't know what to do. that is happenning to me so much lately. seems like in the last year a lot of things have just fallen apart for me. but at least i have someone to keep me sane even though some of my best friends have left me....i'm glad i have kyle.
i need more girlfriends!
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| kyle, |
[14 Jan 2004|10:20pm] |
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mood |
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 thankful |
] |
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music |
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zao |
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Hold her in your right hand
And guide her safely home
Brush away all the thorns
And all the stones
When I was crying you never left my side
When I was dying you never left my side
You're always, always there for me
You're my angel without wings
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| song of the day.... |
[09 Jan 2004|11:54am] |
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You'll bruise their hearts, child You'll live their lives? You'll fill their shoes, child? You'll still be right? You'll speak your words, child You're still naïve You'll tell your lies, child They'll still believe All you've ever said about them, it was never right Has all you've learned here been forgotten? You're the perfect light? Don't strain your head, child Thinking for them Don't place the blame, child Your time will come All you've ever thought about them, it was never right Your "open mind" is sealed and settled, locked and bolted tight All you've lived is moments in a fraction of their lives It's sad you never notice when the stick is in your eye You'll throw your stones, child You'll never bleed?All you've ever said about them, it was never right And all you've ever thought about them, it was never right The bleeding hearts and artists painted meanings in their songs And all the little children lost their minds and sang along All that you said wasn't true
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[09 Jan 2004|11:07am] |
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mood |
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 indifferent |
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music |
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thursday |
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you dont realize how messed up life is until you go through certain situations, you don't even know who your true friends are for that matter. everything that you once had is gone. and everyone you thought would be there for you flees. i hate having feelings. i hate emotions.
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| to people who like to talk pure crap about me....(minus ben he apologized)... |
[08 Jan 2004|02:30pm] |
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mood |
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 confused |
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My wings may be destroyed and dull,
I am cold but not completely numb.
My heart is not dead and my spirit is strong.
I know these feelings within me are not wrong.
Crush my body, do you think I care?
I'll drag myself to the heavens somehow.
I will find a way to save my soul, save my dying light.
I will dance once again, my whole being will ignite.
Don't think I can be shattered quite so easily.
My heart is strong, as you shall come to see
keri
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| a little list of thankyou's and copliments to different people. |
[07 Jan 2004|04:06pm] |
- bethany ~ you are there for me throughout my hard times, and throughout all of our boy troubles. and you are by my side. you are my best friend and you always will be i love you and cant wait till we move in together.
- brian ~ you were my first love and my best friend. i miss the friendship that we once had we went through some very hard times together that were hard for me to get past. you know more about me than anyone else in this world does. you cared so much about me and would do anything for me. you tried to make me happy always, except for the times you tried to make me jealous. we once thought that we would be together forever, you were the first person i ever considered on marrying. i will always care about you and i hope that you can go throughout the rest of your life and smile.
- greg ~ you are my other best friend who lives an hour away so i dont get to see you as much as i'd like. you always have had a ear open to me so that i can talk to you and i love you for that. i miss you. you always make me happy no matter how i really feel if i am sad, and then i see you i am automatically happy. you mean a lot to me.
- kyle ~you are the one who is there for me the most right now and you don't know just how thankful that i am for that. even when nothing else can make me happy, you can do it in a heart beat, and i love that about you. you can do the simplest things for me and make things better. i love being around you, and having you in my life. you are such a nice person, and you have such a good outlook on things. i am so glad that i have you.
- carrie and mal ~ you 2 girls are great and i love you so much. we aren't as good of friends as we used to i think we kind of grew apart, but i still love you just as much. i still consider the 2 of you some of my best friends still you always well be no matter what, we are the DoLs you know. i love how we can get together after hardly talking to eachother in a month and just spill everything to each other and let everything go. i love remembering the times we got in trouble together and the time that mr. cardwell caught us skipping and told us it was ok and to have a peppermint. you girls are 2 of the only girls that i can stand. and i love you.
- ashlee ~ you are my lovely sister. who i am so happy to have. you take up for me when people aren't being so nice to me. you are making me an aunt and i am so excited about that. you and i have the worst taste in guys. i love you soosososooso much.
- eddie ~you come and see me at my house when i am sad and just hug me in my drive way for a long time, and take me to get some hot chocolate to calm down. ha! you even stole me a swithchfoot hat once from the show that you set up. you are one of my very good friends who i feel like i can tell anything, and i love you for that. we dated once, and it was great. you make a very good friend now though. i love you dearly.
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| jump little children |
[04 Jan 2004|02:45pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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bored |
] |
INNOCENT KISS
a simple proposition a simple night of passion tell me i'm not crazy talk me down, give me ration intuition is a home dusty with neglect no longer is it clear for me whatever is correct a harmless fixation Pachabel's consumption a dinner bell clatter two for tea for two for luncheon unrequited love is a plate left untouched even when the belly's empty got a belly full of lust phasing everyday like the moon trying to stay like emotions going wild trying to keep in one place jealousy and rage serenity and grace throwing switches in my mind with the message on my face burning up like a cometa starry street rocket with my heart in my pocket mister, could you spare a dime? a nickel? or a dollar? all I have is what you wouldn't want I would holler chase it down or give it uproll the dice and try your luck but if you dore member this : there's no such thing as an innocent kiss overstuffed imaginationin perpetual motion spewing red sauce sangria' cause my heart is on the ocean out to sea without an anchor professor or the skipper just me and Mary Annetrying to fit the glass slipper but lurking in the cornerstaring back in the mirror is the Boogey Man waiting there with everything I fear pick me up while i'm down just to put me down again a glimmer of a glimpse of what it feels like to win a simple proposition a simple night of passion tell me i'm not crazy talk me down, give me ration intuition is a home dusty with neglect no longer is it clear for me whatever is correct chasing out an apparition shake my head clear my vision bring it all back down to earth with a clear cut decision take a breather get some rest if it isn't do or die a fantasy will do if reality is shy a fantasy will do if reality is shy a fantasy will do if reality is shy
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| yuck |
[03 Jan 2004|01:59pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 sore |
] |
i woke up early this morning and went to breakfast with kyle it was nice.
( eww yuckk )
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| breaking away |
[02 Jan 2004|04:41pm] |
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mood |
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 listless |
] |
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music |
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built to spill |
] |
You found it a game to watch my pain,
Did you pause and think of the scars on my soul?
My heart was bruised, torn and used,
Yet I followed you blindly into a blackening hole.
Love to me was a feeling new and pure,
Emotions unknown consumed my whole heart
You took my love and made it your whore,
Dissected my spirit and ripped it apart
I could see what you were doing to me,
And I hid my eyes, willed myself to be blind.
It was true that I was afraid to be free,
You pulled my soul too fiercely then left me behind.
I loved you for the attention you gave,
I loved so completely, with all of my power.
But I can't stay confined in this lonely cave,
I will break from your clutch, I will no longer cower.
The darkness still rips silently and cruelly within.
It consumes and it corrodes, crawling through this skin.
I've fabricated my life with lies, creating your love.
Something that never existed. A Blackened, broken dove.
Love clawed all truth from my blinded eyes.
Now I can see and now I despise.
Hate seethes inside and will never again be contained.
I give myself to the loathing that courses in these veins.
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[30 Dec 2003|11:51am] |
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mood |
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 lazy |
] |
hmm. patty, bethany and jonny came over lastnight and we saw, anything else. it was alot of fun. i needed that.
Brian is dating someone, that is good. as long as he is happy.
i wish he would stop doing some things though, but its not my problem anymore i guess...but i worry.
i hung out with kyle all day yesterday, he is great. he makes me happy. we are going to the opryland hotel to take pictues today. =)
he is so nice and sweet i like that about him. he got me 2 dozen flowers which are beautiful. ;)
i am starting to be happy again....
i got a ps2 for xmas so i am going to go play that is all.
have a nice day my friends!
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| bored bored bored |
[30 Dec 2003|11:16am] |
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mood |
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bored |
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my name is]: nice keri
[in the morning i am]: grumpy
[love is]: a thing that i had once, it is scary
[i dream about]: you would think i was a weirdo if i told you
-W I T H .T H E. O P P O S I T E. S E X-
[what do you notice first?]: eyes/smile/hair
[last person u slow danced with]: Kyle D.
-H A V E .Y O U .E V E R-
[fallen for your best friend]: maybe
-W H O .W A S .T H E .L A S T. P E R S O N-
[you talked to on the phone]: kyle
[hugged]: kyle
[kissed]: this boy...
[you instant messaged]: my pretend internet bf Seth..ha
[person u laughed with]: jonny, patty, and bethany
-D O .Y O U / / A R E .Y O U-
[could you live without the computer?]: if it wasnt here... than i would have to live without it
[what's your favorite food?]: meatloaf and green bean and mashed potatoes and corn and any kind of fruit wouldbe amazing
[whats ur favorite fruit?]: oh man....pears. apples, oranges, strawberries, pineapple, bananas,grapes, tangerains, etc....
[what hurts the most?]: being hurt by others, being used or taken advantage of, seeing my friends hurt
[trust others way too easily?]: that is a little problem of mine
-N U M B E R-
[of times i have had my heart broken? ]: way too many times
[of hearts i have broken?] : one..
[of boys i have kissed?] : 5 or 6
[of girls i have kissed?] : 1 on accident i swear
[of drugs taken illegally?]: None.
[of tight friends?] : bethany, greg, kyle, dustin, jonny, patty, dallas,eddie, carrie and mal
[of cd's that i own?] : 200 and something
[of scars on my body?] : 3
[of things in my past that i regret?] : about 3 or 4 things
-O.T.H.E.R.T.H.I.N.G.S.-
[i know]: i am too caring and it just makes me down
[i want]: to be happy
[i have]: a cold sore
[i wish]: i was with my friends at Waffle House
[i hate]: a lot of girls. mostly...kari ward and this girl named Diana
[i miss]: thom odell, greg the most, and phil
[i fear]: getting hurt...the dark
[i hear]: silence
[i search]: for happiness
[i love]: my friends and my fam
[i ache]: when my heart hurts which seems to happen a lot here lately
[i care]: about people too much
[i always]: am here for you! if you ever need to talk i listen 426-0278
[i dance]: with kyle and patty
[i cry]: too much
[i do not always]: say the right things.
[i write]: when i am down
[i confuse]: myself
[i can usually be found]: sleeping, on the computer, at Waffle House, at the park, or at work
[i need]: to be happy, to not have to worry all the time, kyle
[have you ever played a game that required removal of clothing]: maybe
[favorite place to be kissed?]: uhm.. on my body- my lips and neck..... and setting- i have always dreamed of being kissed on a warm night in the pouring down rain
[have you ever been caught "doing something"?]: one time brian and i were sleeping in his bed doing nothing and his his mom came upstairs and got a little mad....but all we were doing was sleeping.
-FIRST.THING.YOU.THINK.OF-
[wuss]: A scrawny white kid.
[druggie]: thug
[daydream]: utopia
[brat]: taylor
[sarcastic]: my sister
[angel]: Heaven.
[friend]: bethany
[shy]: myself
[talkative]: one.
[adventurous]: Woods.
-CONCERING.THE.FRIENDS.(You.Claim.To.Have)-
[wish you saw more often]: Greg Butz
[wish you could meet]: Julia Roberts
[most sarcastic]: brian young and mu sister
[wish you knew better]: alot of people...
[knows you best]: brian young and bethany
[best outlook on life]: i dont know
[most paranoid]: me
[sweetest]: kyle and eddie
-Self-Analysis.You.Probably.Don't.Want.To.Do-
[your best feature (personality)]: i dont know...im nice??
[your biggest flaw (personality)]: worry too much and cry too much and i am to paranoid
[most annoying thing you do]: cry
[biggest mistake you've made this far]: staying in something that i was getting hurt in
[describe your personality in one word]: silly
[the physical feature for which you are most often complimented]: my eyes, and hair
[height]: 5'3”
[a smell that makes you smile]: this smell that eddie wears i dont know what it is, but i smell it a lot, and i t makes me smile
[a city you'd like to visit]: new york
[a drink you order most often]: coke
[a delicious dessert]: chocolate pie
[a book you highly recommend]: neverwhere
[the music you prefer while alone]: vanessa carlton, jesse washington, elliot smith, cursive, dashboard
[your favorite band]: cursive
[your favorite singer]: mandy moore
[a film you could watch over and over]: finding nemo, phone booth, and my best friends wedding
[a TV show you watch regularly]: friends
[you live in a(n)] hendersonville
[your transportation]: a 96 black pontiac sunfire
[your cologne or perfume]: either raulph lauren or heavenly
[under your bed or in your closet you hide]: Clothes, shoes, [something important on your night table]: a clock, pictures
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| mona lisa |
[27 Dec 2003|02:20pm] |
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She's smiling, is she happy? She looks happy so that is all that matters.
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